The Price of Letting Go

I am learning how to let go.  Learning being the operative word.    My Mother is gone.  My Father is gone.  I still have their "things".  I have been renting a storage unit for two years now for "things".  I had decided I was getting rid of the unit three months ago, well actually a year ago next month, but I couldn't do it. 

My sister and brother got what they wanted last summer.  So, instead of getting rid of the things, it was easier to write a check every month.  I wondered how I got "stuck" with all these "things".  Should I save them for Addie or the other kids?  Give them goodwill?  I had taken Mom's clothes and enormous collection of shoes to goodwill.  I had taken Dad's clothes to goodwill, well with the exception of five shirts that still hang in "his" closet in the apartment.  What to do, what to do. 

Then, a dear girlfriend from my childhood called and was having a garage sale and wanted to know if I wanted in on it.  UGHHH, what a great way to get rid of things!  So, Cody and his buddies went to the storage unit and got a truck load of things, and Vandy and I went as well and filled up my Element.  Addie even did a small load.  So, I priced them. 

The couch each of us had laid on all those years, tired, sick, playing, conversing on, sat out in the yard.  I sat on it.  I laid on it.  And I thought, don't sell, don't sell.  I want it back.  And those dang hurricane lamps we spent years avoiding breaking while a football was thrown from room to room in my folks house.  And the "new" rocking chair my dad got for my mom.  What was I thinking????  Panic set it. 

And the dear three older women, Peg, Aunt Judy and Ms. Linda just watched me.  Kim, my bff's sister, said, "Just let it go."  And kept repeating it until I finally went down the hill and talked to the people that were looking at my parents "things".  And it's funny, I could sell things from my first marriage, from Vandy's first marriage, but that couch, that lamp, the kitchen chairs UGHHHHHHH. 

Just let it go.

It's just stuff.

You don't have room for it.  And you don't want it either.

Let it go.

So I did.  I brought home the rocker and an end table.  And some dishes.  That was it.  Oh and two lovely wrought iron chairs and a table for the backyard, that I bought at the garage sale. 

I don't feel any different.  The price of letting go cost me a weekend with old friends. Catching up on long forgotten stories and new tales I had missed over the years.  And side pains from so much laughter.  I was surrounded by Grandmothers, Mothers, Daughters and love.  My Mom would have enjoyed herself, just as I did and just as Addie did.   

Are you my Mother?

Goodness me what an afternoon!!!  And so the day begins with Vandy waking me up to tell me that once again the  web cam is set up for the cardinal family we have outside our family room window in the left side of the jasmine vine!

I was soooo excited because we haven't been able to stealthily watch the baby grow since the "tower" took a plunge last Sunday night (9 days ago or so).  We got it back yesterday and Vandy got us up and running! 

So, late this morning I heard a commotion and thought man, that rain has them in an uproar.  You see, on the right side of the picture window there is a sparrow farm in my jasmine, so half the time, okay, most the time, some little birdie is chirping "FEED ME"! 

So anyway, I take a look see and I see NOTHING!!!  EMPTINESS!!!  I get the step stool and look deeper into the nest, NOTHING!!!!  OMG!  I call Vandy, "Honey, the baby is missing!!!!!  What should I do???"  He says, "REALLY?"  And of course, I am like, YES!!!  Wait, are you making fun of me?  And he says, NO, Go FInd HIM!

I get my raincoat on and go in search.  NOOOOOOO baby!!!  I call Vandy back.  We are sad.  Then, I start watching the parents, what are they doing on the other side of the hot tub, under one of my prize daylilies.   OH OHHH no way, that baby could not be there.  20 minutes go by, and I am pacing.  I glance out the window and between the walkway is the baby and the daddy and the mommy all taking so fast, I can't understand what they are saying, but baby jumps back into the daylily.  Okay, okay.  When was the last time I saw Oliver?   Oliver is the the neighborhood cat, he thinks he lives here.  I think he doesn't.  Addie and Vandy want him to live at our house.  I don't.

So, I email Vandy.  What should I do?  Hello, I am not a city girl, but our baby was lost in the woods and I panicked!  So, I googled.  To save or not to save.  Mommy and Daddy cardinal are keeping their eyes on him, bringing in food.  I also call cousin Jenny.  Jenny knows everything about anything and she did live on a farm you know.  Jenny says save it.  So I go out in my raincoat again and can't find it.  GRRRRRrrrrrrrr

So I walk away.  I gather my senses.  Another 20 minutes.  Val and I talk.  I am coming down off the panic high.  What is that out by the pool, 2 feet from the pool?????  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  You can't fly, let alone swim!!  I rush!!!  Out the door in the pouring rain, no time to waste.  I grabbed the paper towels from my first venture out.  (You know, so they don't smell human)  He jumps closer to the pool.  I pounce, very cat like.  Okay, it was more of a grabbing your kid from the road before the car runs them and their ball over.  Gotcha!! 

He chirps in my gentle tender like grasp and I drop him, not far, no worries.  Except he poops a little.   I get him again.  I take him to the nest.  Crap, can't reach the nest without a step stool.  So, baby in one hand, heavy metal chair in the other, I get to the nest.  Mommy and Daddy cardinal are watching and not attacking YET!  I placed him in the nest, shaking him out of the paper towel, run inside to make sure he is in there safely. 

I look at the web cam, there he is.  WHAT?  WAIT!!  Are you kidding me???  You are not serious!!!!  

Baby has managed to pop up on the side of the nest, with it's very unusually long legs.  I fling open the curtain.  I yell, "Get back in there!"  "Now!"  He looked at me, tilting his head, back and forth and out of the side of his eye, I know he is thinking  "Are you my Mother?" 

Daddy cardinal has been to the nest twice to feed him.  I think Mommy cardinal is not so happy right now. 

My sister in law Lisa would be proud of me.  She loves birds.  All birds.  I do not like worm eating robins, and between you and I, if it were a robin, I would have been looking for Oliver!